“I am not good enough.”
A sentence that keeps coming up again and again for many people. Today, I had the feeling of not being good enough. Not good enough for business, not good enough and worthy of a relationship and being loved, … for friendship, … for family… Just not good enough. Not strong enough.
In my younger age, when I felt this way and I told somebody I always got the response that I have depressions. Well, but this was not the case. This feeling is not based on a depression and not on a thought or an emotion that I have created. It is a normal response to my environment.
As I keep mentioning in my coachings, the environment is a circumstance in our life that we cannot change. We cannot change what others say and do. So, the “not good enough” feeling is a normal reaction if you ever have felt like you were not good enough as a child and this feeling has been embedded in your brain.
You are not alone with this. It is a huge topic and the most successful people can have this feeling. It is just important to understand how to handle this and start healing.
What triggers the "not enough wave"?
But what was the trigger for me? It was enough to come back to my home place where I grew up. The most “not enough feelings” have been embedded here during my childhood. When I got back here, all the feelings came back. But the main trigger was my Mum. My Mum suffers from Fibromyalgia and since I can think back, all I tried to do is to help her. I studied and created diet plans for her, exercises to relief pain, and little routines which will improve her days. But as she does not take on any of my suggestions, I feel like I am not worthy, not good enough, and as a fail. It is hard to watch a family member live in depression and accept the victim role and does not want to implement any change. This has been draining on my energy.
An interesting fact is, when we feel this way, we start to sabotage our actions in life to get the outcome to prove that we are not good enough, not worthy… And this is exactly what I was doing for the last 4 days.
This has been my trigger this time. So, a small circumstance like meeting a person can trigger your “not enough” feeling.
What to do?
You will read a lot about positive affirmations. When you feel “not good enough” tell yourself “I am worthy. I am good enough.” This is a good beginning. However, if your affirmation does not create a positive feeling and you do not believe it yourself, this will not work. If you have a deeply embedded limiting belief that you are not enough, you will need to find out where this feeling is coming from.
Ask yourself, “when was the first time in your life you felt not good enough?”
“How old were you and what was happening?” Realize that this is not true and that you cannot control others. You cannot control what others say, how they react and what they do. Know that you have done the best you could. Feel compassion for yourself. By recognizing that “not good enough” is a limiting belief, healing can start happening.
Healing can take place
It is important to be compassionate with ourselves and understand that healing is a process. Once understood when you have felt “not good enough” for the first time, emotions can come up. Please never try to suppress these emotions. Allow it to take place – cry, scream into your pillow, punch a pillow. Whatever comes up, allow it to be. This is part of the healing.
Once you went through this first step and understand this limiting belief, you will start to feel better. Saying this does not mean that the “not good enough” feeling will never come back. You have been carrying this embedded belief for many years, healing will take some time.
Now, every time the feeling and disbelief of “not being enough” comes up, do not accept the disbelief. Ask yourself where this is coming from, what has triggered this feeling and be compassionate with yourself. Understand that this is not true.
You are worthy, you are loved, you are amazing. It is a journey to recovery from old negative messages. Be compassionate with yourself. You are not alone feeling this way and we are all doing the best we can to heal and grow.
